Broken
by Shadowpool95
Summary: WARNING: Self harm. "The words flashed on the screen innocently, but this wasn't the first time they had. And every action that had followed those four words before tore him up in the most painful way possible."


Okay. No idea where this came from. This is actually the result of ODing on Sonny With A Chance fics, Pandora, and my brain hating me. Apparently I've caught the angst bug. Damnit Dawnstar. Oh, and it has no relation to Just What I Needed, which I AM working on. Well, enjoy! And don't hate me too much :P

- Shadow

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR. Duh.**

****WARNING**  
Self-harm**

* * *

He asked Jo for a moment when he felt the vibration from the second message. His phone told him they were both from Lucy, which was weird considering she hadn't messaged him since Jo had returned. Upon opening the texts, Kendall's insides froze.

_Received: 3:36 pm  
I need you._

_Received: 3:39 pm  
Please._

The words flashed on his screen innocently, but this wasn't the first time they had. And every action that had followed those four words before tore him up in the most painful way possible. The panic that rushed through him as he shoved his phone back in his pocket hadn't been felt in a while, but it was by no means unfamiliar.

"Uh, Jo!" Kendall flagged her over from the park bench they had been sharing moments before. "I have to go," he continued once the actress was within a reasonable hearing range. "I'm sorry to rush off but something came up." He used a chaste peck on her cheek to prevent the words she was about to say from being said. "Thanks for understanding." He didn't look back at his girlfriend as he rushed towards the Palm Woods, hoping that he wasn't too late.

On the second floor, Kendall glanced at his own apartment door before focusing completely on Lucy's. He hesitated briefly, realizing that every second wasted was a second too long. "Lucy," he called to the rocker through the door as he gently knocked on it. He didn't get a response, and the worse possible scenarios began running through his head in a torrent. He tried the knob and it turned easily beneath his hand. "Lucy I'm coming in."

The inside of 2I was dark. Kendall let his eyes adjust to the gloom as he closed the door behind him. The curtains were drawn, but eventually the small amount of light they did let in became enough to silhouette Lucy's hunched-over form sitting on the couch. Her shoulders shook with violent tremors, but barely a sound reached Kendall's ears.

He wanted to ask her what was wrong, wanted to know what it was this time and if it was something he could take care of. But he knew that wasn't what the rockstar needed. She wouldn't answer him, and it would only make things worse.

No, experience led him closer, made his eyes move to the coffee table where they caught on the dull shine of a razor blade- clean, thankfully- as it stared back at him with a cold gleam. It lowered him onto the couch next to Lucy, slowly so as not to startle her, and moved his hand up towards her back. It forced him to ignore both her flinch and the dry, wracking sob that that finally escaped her lungs to wrap his arms around her and hold her as tight as possible against his chest.

Everything seemed to go to hell then, and the only thing Kendall could think was that at least she texted him _before_ she hurt herself this time. Though the painful sound of each sob as it tore its way out of her throat gave him the impression that her body was doing the harm for her. He felt so helpless as he held her small, shaking frame, but he knew there was absolutely nothing he could do until she quieted down. The problem was that she wasn't quieting down.

The minutes ticked by and the only change was her dry cries getting scratchier as her voice became more strained. He had to do something. Anything. She was hurting, and he wasn't helping.

"Lucy, please," he said quietly into her red-streaked black hair. "Tell me what's wrong. I want to help." He was prepared for a lot of different possible reactions, but surprisingly enough an explosion wasn't one of them.

She ripped herself out of his arms and jumped shakily to her feet. Her chest was heaving with her body's effort of trying to draw in enough oxygen, but she managed to force words out anyway.

"What's _wrong_?" she rasped. "Want to- help?" Her words were chopped apart by her ragged sobbing breaths. "Well you- can't. You- just- can't."

Even in the dark, Kendall caught sparks of fear dancing in her liquid brown eyes. He opened his mouth to reply and made to stand, but Lucy wasn't done. She plowed over whatever he was going to say, the force of her words enough to push him back in his seat.

"What's- _wrong_- is- that I- I get so- so _upset_- over things- over things I can't change. They- the- the only solution- that I see- is _that_." She pointed an accusatory finger and a disgusted glare at the blade that sat on the table in faux innocence. "_That_- is the- the only way- that all of- _this_ can- can get- get out-" She pulled at the front of her shirt in agitation as her voice grew more hysterical before, almost unconsciously, reaching her hand out towards the razor blade.

Kendall did stand up then. This thing, Lucy cutting and then calling him to clean up the mess, has been going on for almost a year and a half, minus the time she had been gone between their breakup and her return. He really wasn't sure if he wanted to know what damage she did in that time, and hadn't thought he had been in a position to ask when she returned. Apparently though she still trusted him enough to be with her when she was at her weakest, which meant she still must trust him enough to try and help her stop like he had promised the first time he came to her apartment and found her bleeding on her bathroom floor.

He darted forward, between the rockstar and the razor blade. She looked at him, broken and livid, still fighting to get air into her lungs.

"Move," she rasped. "I have- have to- these emotions- they- get- _out_!"

"Luce-"

"No!" she took an unsteady step forward. "They- they have no- nowhere- to go-"

Kendall clenched his teeth together, feeling the muscles in his jaw strain against themselves. He had to do something to get his point across to her. So he reached back and grabbed the treacherous blade before facing Lucy once again. He caught her pain-filled eyes with his desperate ones and deliberately held both arms out between them. One was underside up, fist clenched, while the other was offering her the razor blade. Lucy, sobs semi-quieted from surprise even though her chest still heaved, looked from one of his arms to the other, dumbfounded.

"If you want to cut yourself," he told her in a synthetic calm, "then you're going to take my arm, look me in the eyes, and cut as many times as you would yourself."

She looked back up to lock stares again, shock written all over her face. He held a serious expression.

"I- I couldn't-" She closed her eyes and took time to try and steady her breathing. He gave her all the time she needed, not moving a muscle. "I couldn't hurt you like… that…" she continued eventually, trailing off quietly at the end as she opened her eyes and met his gaze once more as realization struck.

He tried to put every ounce of the hurt he felt in his heart onto his face and shoved his bare arm and the razor blade towards her a second time. She flinched. "You do hurt me like that Luce. You might as well cut me directly, because every time _this_," he shook the blade in front of her face, watching her flinch again, "slices through your skin, it hurts. It feels like you're slicing me wide open, and just watching as I bleed all over the place before you go ahead and do it again."

Her eyes filled with tears and her mouth worked like she wanted to say something, but no words came out. Kendall continued past the silence.

"You're beautiful, Luce. So beautiful." He lowered his hands to his sides, letting the blade fall noiselessly to the carpet. "You don't need any of this to make yourself feel better. You're the strongest, bravest, most gifted woman I know, and whoever made you feel like this is the dumbest person on the planet."

"I saw you and Jo at the park," the rocker choked out. Tears were streaming down her face by now, but she refused to break her gaze away.

Kendall swallowed hard. "My statement still stands," he said to her. "I want to stop doing things that hurt you, Luce. All of it." The words flowing past his lips didn't taste bitter like he expected they would, given their meaning. They only tasted like the truth. "Seeing you hurt is the worst feeling in the world. I shouldn't have done it in the first place." The realness of what he just said should have scared him out of his mind, but it didn't.

"You can't-" Lucy started, but Kendall cut her off.

"I can, and I am." He took a step closer to her. "I just want to see you get better," he told her honestly.

She then began crying in earnest, pushing herself against Kendall's chest even as he gathered her in his arms and pulled her as close as was possible. His mind raced as she slowly ruined his shirt with her tears. Maybe it took her breaking down completely, but he realized that he should have never left Lucy. Those things he said to her were one hundred percent true, and no one could compare to her. Not even Jo. Maybe especially not Jo.

There was suddenly a pounding on the door.

"Kendall Knight I know you're in there! Carlos said he saw you slink through this door like a dog!"

Speak of the devil. This would take care of the how and when he should end things with Jo. Kendall glanced down and pushed the razor blade under the couch with a foot to hide it from both girls before gently setting Lucy down on the couch and crouching next to her. "I'll be right back, Luce. I _promise_."

He straightened up and walked toward the door, his every thought still by that couch and the broken but unscathed girl slumped on it. The girl he should never have left. The girl he was determined to fix.

* * *

If you've noticed this isn't categorized under "complete", and it's left open-ended. Mean's I can see it not being done, but no promises. It depends how many people tell me they like it ;)


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